I pride myself on the fact that I’ve succeeded at every New Years Resolution I’ve ever set.
This might sound impressive, until you realize I’m obsessively careful about choosing my Resolution.
99 percent of your New Years Resolutions’ success or failure hinges on choosing the right one.
Many people — in my humble opinion — fail because their New Years Resolution is a goal they don’t want enough.
It’s easy to see why its important to be so ruthless about priority-setting when it comes to money. We see that our money is limited.
It’s harder to see that our time and energy is more limited. Time is scarcer than money. It demands more ruthless prioritization.
What’s the secret to strong goal-setting? Know the difference between an “It Would Be Nice” goal and a “Non-Negotiable” goal.
“It Would Be Nice If” …
There are plenty of goals that would be nice to achieve.
- It would be nice if I could play the piano.
- It would be nice if I could learn Italian.
- It would be nice if I could lose 10 pounds.
These goals share two common threads: They require hundreds of hours of sacrifice and effort.
If you don’t want it enough, you won’t invest hundreds of hours of your precious life towards achieving it. Period.
You can’t half-heartedly climb Mt. Everest. You can’t half-heartedly run a marathon, launch a business or raise 6 children.
- It would be nice if I could play the piano … but I’m okay with my musical skill as is.
- It would be nice if I could learn Italian … but I’m happy speaking only English.
- It would be nice if I could lose 10 pounds … but I’m fine with the way I look.
Non-Negotiable Goals
A non-negotiable goal keeps you up at night. You want it so badly, you can taste it. Your friends are sick of hearing you talk about it.
It’s the goal that — at the end of your life — you’ll regret not doing.
This is the only type of goal that will inspire you to sacrifice sleeping late and watching movies. This is the only type of goal that will cause you to sacrifice a steady paycheck or a nice home.
How did I travel to 27 countries? It was absolutely non-negotiable. It was the cornerstone around which I designed my life. I chose my apartment, my car and my line of work based around it.
What If I Don’t Have a Big Goal?
It’s fine if you don’t have a non-negotiable goal. You can’t force yourself to have one. Big dreams find you.
You also shouldn’t pressure yourself to set an overzealous New Years Resolution. Don’t resolve to learn French if you’re not consumed by daily thoughts about how much you yearn to speak French.
There’s a beauty in simple resolutions: drink more water. Eat at least two apples per week. Make your bed every morning. Learn to cook three new meals.
Save your big resolutions for your big dreams.
I hate making new Year’s Resolutions! I love setting and accomplishing goals, but to wait until New year’s to state it seems artificial. I constantly set goals and make up new ones when I accomplish one.
New Years is such a fun time of renewal. Resolutions are another way for me to think about improving my life. I like your simple resolutions at the bottom, like “drink more water.” Right now, I think my only resolution is the turn my “one-pack” abs into at least a “two-pack.” (I once saw a tee-shirt that said “this isn’t a beer belly…it’s a protective coating for my six-pack abs!”)
@AverageJoe — Haha, I like that shirt slogan! I definitely have made simple resolutions during the years when I felt like I couldn’t commit to anything major. And it’s funny — that simple stuff, like “drink more water,” ends up making a huge difference over time!
Here’s mine–choose to live a healthy lifestyle. Not that I am going to train for the triathlon in 2012, or lose 50 pounds in six months.
My keyword is choice.
Given a choice between riding the car to go to the nearby grocer, I can either ride my bike or walk. Chocolate ice cream–buying a tub or choose one scoop on a cone.
@Jim — Small changes make a huge difference over time! I can’t wait to see how your health changes over the span of a year.
This just reminds me that with a budget anything is possible.
Kind of like the name of your site, Afford Anything. Whether you want to call it a New Years Resolution or a goal, you definitely have to make all your life decisions based around that as you did before you traveled the world. Nice article.
When I think of New Years resolutions, the first things that come to mind are losing weight and quitting smoking. And then I usually envision people failing at both of these things.
Great point about choosing the right goals in order to prevent yourself from failing.
@Jeffrey – Unfortunately too many people know they “should” stop smoking or lose weight — but the motivation doesn’t come from deep within. And without that, they’re fighting an uphill battle.
Very true! I made some big and small resolutions last year, and I stuck to them. The big goal, running a marathon, was something I always wanted to do, or as you say, something I could taste. The small goal was to send out birthday and holiday cards. I accomplished both!
@Christa — Ooh, sending out cards is a good goal. I always intend to do that, but never get around to it …
For me running marathons became non-negotiable. And ‘sacrifice’ was transformed into the elation of being out, on my own, for hours. This is my rest, this is my thinking time.
When I was younger, one of my new years resolutions used to be to get taller. I did want that badly, but it didn’t work out.
Nowadays my goals are realistic and attainable provided that I stretch myself, which to me is the ultimate goal.
I don’t do New Years Resolutions. I figure if I have a goal I should start working on it right away, as soon as I’m inspired. Waiting for a number on a calendar to change just seems silly. And making things up just because the number is changing seems silly, too. That being said, I love reading everyone else’s and pretending I’m going to implement their good ideas into my own life, too.
I am now waiting for my goal to find me. The BIG goal I mean. I don’t have any such big goals apart from climbing corporate ladder at this moment.
Paula,
I strongly believe that most new year resolutions that I’ve made in the past failed when I was not committed to those commitments subconsciously. For that matter, I believe that I don’t have to wait for the year end to make myself motivated. If I’m thinking about resolutions at the year end then likely I am a victim of social rituals — to do something to please others.
You have an awesome blog. I’m impressed.
Shilpan
Paula,
My apology. My blog URL was wrong in the previous comment.
Thanks,
Shilpan
So you downsize a little. “It would be nice to learn Italian, but I could make do with a few phrases and assorted hand gestures.”
Hi Paula,
Nice post. As you might have read in my related articles, I like to refer to “It Would Be Nice” goals as “wishful thinking”. They are far from being resolutions, and not worthy of being called goals. Setting non-negotiable goals to achieve resolutions is a great way! I’m impressed that you have never failed in accomplishing your new years resolutions. Great going!
Anyway, I came around to wish you and let you know that you were on my special list of friends to thank
I made a special mention of you on my latest post.
Thanks so much for your support always! I wish you a very happy and prosperous New Year 2012.
By the way, do you know that you can enable threading of your comments so that you can respond to each one in a nested fashion? Let me know if you need any help with it.
Cheers,
Mark
Hi Paula! Loved this post – it’s so true that your energy needs to go towards the things that are non-negotiable. That’s why I have passport stamps but not a flatscreen TV. I don’t have a list of resolutions, but I do have a paper chain counting down the 95 days until my vacation…and during that time I’ll be dedicated to fitness and eating well. It’s a short-term goal I can handle – if I had a generic resolution to “get fit” I don’t think it would have nearly the impact.
Happy New Year!
I agree that resolutions are set too nonchalantly. The reason why people fail to succeed is that they don’t want it bad enough (most of the time at least).
Quite true! I try and make reasonable resolutions, but sometimes they still don’t pan out they way I’d hoped. I either need to simplify, or work harder! Saving money is important to me, but obviously I get side tracked.
@Little House — Don’t be afraid to try smaller goals. Even “little” stuff like “drink a gallon of water daily” makes a HUGE impact in your life.
I have never made any New Years Resolutions, I do however make goals using SMART Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Results Focused and Time bound – taking action is the key.
@Tim – I’m also a big fan of the SMART method! … I personally like New Year’s Resolutions because the symbolic “turning the clock” provides me with extra motivation. But, of course, not everyone feels the same way about New Year’s. Find whatever works best for you!