Whether you’re in the mood for humor or inspiration … here’s a dash of both.
I’ve read a lot of finance humor, scanned long lists of quotes and combed through stories to narrow the list to these 6 items: one joke, four quotes and a parable about the investment banker who lost it all.
Ba-Dum-Dum!
Woman: “I made my husband a millionaire.”
Her Friend: “What was he before he married you?”
Woman: “A billionaire.”
Four Favorite Money Quotes
“Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.”
- Jim Rohn
“Show me where you spend your money and I’ll tell you what (your priorities) are.”
- James W. Frick
“Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.”
- Groucho Marx
“Money often costs too much.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A Parable About Wealth
Once Upon A Time – in 2005 – there was a very successful investment banker named Richard who spent every dollar he earned and more.
He poured money into pinstriped suits and Hermes silk ties, monogrammed cufflinks and a Cartier watch. He had a gleaming Porsche, a corner office and cherry wood golf clubs.
His wife told him to be more careful with money. But Richard would smile and say, “I’ll worry about the future when it comes.”
His son and daughter told Richard not to spend so much on them. But Richard shook his head and said, “I’ll worry about the future when it comes.”
Richard’s brother-in-law was a mechanic. Richard was dismissive of his blue-collar job and treated him with condescension. His good-natured brother-in-law took it all in stride.
The brother-in-law warned Richard that the future is uncertain, so Richard should save and plan.
But Richard laughed: “I’ll worry about the future when it comes.”
Then came the great financial crash of 2008. The CEO of the investment bank at which Richard worked told him there would be layoffs and that he should be ready.
Richard barely heard him. He muttered: “I’ll worry about the future when it comes.”
A week later, Richard the Investment Banker transformed into Richard the Unemployed Man.
For months Richard looked for a job. His optimism and self-assurance kept him going. He was certain he would get something soon. But he didn’t.
Then his wife lost her job. Richard realized he couldn’t pay his bills.
His debts – which he had never calculated before — were worse than anyone had known, including Richard himself.
Richard started selling off his assets: his Porsche, his Cartier watch and his cherry wood golf clubs. The market for used luxury goods was weak, and Richard only recouped a quarter of what he originally paid.
One day, after yet another unsuccessful job interview, Richard received a phone call from his brother-in-law.
The brother-in-law offered Richard a job as a mechanic-in-training. Richard laughed.
“ME?” he said with a smirk. “Do you think I would work as a grease monkey? Never!”
His brother-in-law patiently reminded Richard that he needed a job and he had nothing but debt. It was time to worry.
“I’ll worry about the future when it comes!” shouted Richard.
But for the first time in his life, Richard felt frightened. He looked at his pile of bills and the demands for payment. He thought about his life and his decisions and his choices. He looked ahead for the first time. The future scared him.
The doorbell rang. It was a delivery from the post office: a large box.
What could it be?
Richard opened it and shook his head in bewilderment. The box contained a pair of coveralls with a name tag that said “Ricky.” It held a pair of work boots and white cotton socks. A metal lunch box. He also found a pass for the local bus line.
With a sad shake of the head, Richard stepped out of his Ferragamo wingtips. With a sigh, he pulled off his silk socks.
He slid the Cartier watch off his wrist and unsnapped his monogrammed cufflinks.
With a sinking heart he removed his beautiful pinstriped suit, letting it fall to the ground in a puddle of expensive clothing.
With a grimace he stepped into the rough coveralls with a “Ricky” nametag. He slid his feet into white cotton socks.
He picked up the heavy work boots and a note dropped out.
It was from his brother-in-law.
It said:
“Your future is here.”
I’d Like to Thank the Academy …
Thanks to Wisebread for the great quotes. Read their list of 64 Funny, Inspiring and Stupid Money Quotes from Famous People. I particularly love Paris Hilton’s quote: “What’s a soup kitchen?”
Thanks to Transform Your Money for the original story of Richard the Investment Banker, which I’ve edited here. Visit their list of money jokes.
Thanks to Billy Verdin for the photo of the kid and David Paul Ohmer for the photo of Wall Street.
Great parable. Of course, because of the book “The Millionaire Next Door” we have to assume that the brother-in-law was a successful millionaire owner.
@cashflowmantra — I had that thought as well! Only a pretty successful biz owner like the mechanic would be able to hire in the middle of a recession …
Great collection of quotes! I also love the joke, although I feel a bit bad for the Woman’s husband!
Love the parable! I’m all for living in the moment, but anyone who doesn’t also plan for the future is going to get a rude awakening sooner or later.
I <3 almost everything Emerson said. Ever. Funny post!
nice parable.
never too soon to think about tomorrow.
The future can bite you in the butt if you don’t plan for it! I know so many people who have had to readjust their perceptions about what they can/should “settle for” over the last few years!
At least you can laugh and cry all in the same post!
The parable was great Paula.
Employment is never certain and it seems to be getting less and less stable as time goes on. I was laid off twice last decade after working for 20 years straight. Having low bills and money put away help a lot when the paychecks stop.
Beautiful parable and those are nice quotes!
Let me share my favorite money quote:
“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” – Will Smith
Truth hurt.
@Nicole — That is SO true!!
Really like this one: “Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.” This quote my go with “we work to live, not live to work”. Always keep this in my mind when I’m exhausted and burned-out.
@Claire — Absolutely. I often can be tempted to spend hours doing something that won’t save me much money, and this quote is a great reminder that you shouldn’t do that. Better to spend that time doing something rejuvenating!
Entertaining story for sure, Richard should have listened. But I still think that we shouldn’t focus money on saving as much as we should focus more on how to make more money.
If you’ve ever read iwillteachyoutoberich.com you’ll see what I mean. I now save automatically and focus on how can I make more, there really isn’t to many ways to save money that’s why I like Ramit so much.
@Wilson — A lot of people try to frame it as a “earn more vs. save more” debate — Ramit even went so far as to post a photo of him vs. Trent Hamm (The Simple Dollar) in boxing gloves, dueling over the earn more vs. save more camp. I like Ramit — he and I are among the only South Asian personal finance bloggers out there — but he likes to sensationalize this as an “either/or” choice, which it’s not.
I don’t think it’s earn more VS. save more — I think it’s earn more AND save more. I think Ramit and Trent would both agree with this, but for the sake of generating headlines, its more entertaining to frame it as a debate.